*** erotische Kalender 2007-2008 ***

private Bilder Fotos Erotik: Rachel-roberts

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Early morning

roberts.1913 posted a photo:

Early morning

This photo was taken of my alarm clock in my room at 8:18 am in the morning. It is meant as a parallel to the same alarm clock photo in my Exploration of Desire album that depicted my alarm clock at 4 am in the morning.
This photo represents my achievement (finally!! haha) at switching up my sleep schedule to a healthier and more productive one. In the past, I used to sleep during most of the day and be awake most of the night. Honestly, I feel like that is just how my body naturally tends to function and my mom and I are both "night owls" and I have been that way for a very long time. Waking up early is unpleasant for most people, but for me it truly goes against everything that my body naturally wants to do. However, I reset my inner clock and sleep schedule while I was in Virginia for Thanksgiving, and I discovered that I actually started to enjoy waking up early. It is to the point where I no longer need to set alarms, because I wake up everyday at around 7-8 am naturally because I go to bed at around 9-10 pm. Waking up early has become one of the simple things that I cherish in my current day-to-day life. I took a risk at trying to do something uncomfortable that I hoped would ultimately better me, and it was an immense success! Creating and continuing healthy habits is something simple that brings me so much happiness and peace, and is really good for mental health. This is therefore an example of a simple pleasure in my life that has so much beauty that comes with it, as I get to enjoy the early morning light, the quietness as I am up before my roommate, feeling excited for the day, and ultimately proud of myself for making a healthy habit.

Fotos Bilder: rachel-roberts

08 Dec 2021 16:37:49 -

Health

roberts.1913 posted a photo:

Health

This photo was taken at the Urgicare in Columbus after Thanksgiving break. Here I am waiting on my strep test results and decided to pass the time by taking this selfie.

Thankfully, I was negative for strep and COVID and ended up just having a cold, but this photo represents how thankful I am for my health. For being healthy. For not having to quarantine. For not having a debilitating illness. That I can walk into an Urgicare, and the worst thing that I might have is strep. It is definitely easy to get sidetracked from the most important, simple things in your life, and health is one of them. The phrase "you don't know what you have until it's gone" seems apt here. I didn't think that I had COVID, but I still breathed a sigh of relief when they told me I was negative. I have made great leaps in the semester of trying to appreciate things because I want to, not because something has taken them away and now I miss them. It is easy to take health for granted, but I am finding the beauty in the simplicity of just being healthy. This definitely ties into gratitude and practicing gratitude daily, but to me it's also just appreciating the simple pleasures of life. Having a... let's say Lambourgini might make me happy. But also not having a Lambo doesn't take away any of the happiness that I have. However, being sick would affect my happiness. I think I've been learning the real value of things in my life lately, and it's made me happier to let go all of the unnecessary and frivolous things as indicators of happiness. Because they truly don't matter.

Fotos Bilder: rachel-roberts

08 Dec 2021 16:37:54 -

Sunlight... I'll miss you

roberts.1913 posted a photo:

Sunlight... I'll miss you

This photo was taken on the steps of my friend's apartment on a Wednesday and features a very bright and shining sun in the middle of the afternoon.
This photo demonstrates my desire for sunlight. I think that it is obvious that pretty much every living creature desires sunlight in some unconscious, primitive part of their brain. Plants, animals, etc. But I specifically LOVE the sunlight. I wish to move somewhere someday where there are more hours of sunlight than we get here in central Ohio where it is basically winter for the majority of the year. I definitely experience seasonal depression, and one of the most depressing parts about winter to me is that there is rarely such bright sunlight and instead the sky is usually very gray. I remember standing on these steps thinking that these were some of the last times that we'd have such bright and sunny days with the winter ahead. I think that the weather is a big factor in my mood, and I've considered even buying one of those sunset lamps on Amazon that simulate different phases of the sun. I think this desire, perhaps out of all of ones I've mentioned, is the one that is the most instinctual and truly unmanipulated by any other external factors of life. However, like I mentioned, I think this desire can be used to entice consumers to buy products like sunset lamps or special lights like in places like Alaska (where it's dark for the entire day part of the year) because of this basic desire.

CAPSTONE ADDITION:
This description is definitely still true to this day. My desire for sunlight is probably one of my simplest desires because it is so natural and innate. This is one of the desires that I think has grown throughout the semester, but also relatively stayed the same. Especially as it's nearly fully winter now, I desire sunlight more than ever. But it's something that I desire all year round and have a strong affinity and appreciation for regardless. I chose to include it however because it captures the beauty of simplicity so very well. It is something that requires no other person, just myself and the Sun. It also serves as a reminder that today is a new day. The sun rises, the sun sets, but it is constant and even in the nighttime the sunlight is on its way. It's a bit cheesy, true, but that message can do a lot for someone like me who struggles with mental health and seasonal depression. I have learned throughout the semester to take more advantage of the sunlight and being outside and doing activities outside. It is simply good for the soul. I notice that when I am too long in the dark that I tend to feel more down, and that is something that I have made a lot of progress with throughout the semester.

Fotos Bilder: rachel-roberts

27 Oct 2021 21:02:30 -

No Filter, Part 2

roberts.1913 posted a photo:

No Filter, Part 2

This photo was taken on a Sunday evening in my apartment living room. I am sitting on the couch, and this photo features no filter nor makeup nor editing of any kind.
This last photo is the most raw, most accurate, and most vulnerable image of myself. I was still in the conflict with my roommate that left me with the worst anxiety I had felt in a long time. I struggle with acne, which typically is not seen with the makeup and the filters but is shown here. I look exhausted because I am exhausted. In my apartment, where this was taken, I can be fully myself. My social identity is nonexistent because there is no one to impress or to see me, really. I don't have to hide anything about myself. And here, you can see in the camera the stress, anxiety, and insecurities that I do try to hide from the world. My mental health is a constant battle and this day I wasn't feeling confident or on top of the world. My health identity was quite the opposite, actually. In addition to personal things, there is also school and the stress of being a student. Feeling overwhelmed with assignments but little motivation to do them because of everything else going on in my life. This all culminated into this picture, where I chose to take a photo to capture the bad and ugly part of "the good, the bad, and the ugly" for this selfie album. Filters inherently mask us. They present edited, prettier, better, versions of ourselves. Or so we think. Because the truth is, it's a filter. An incomplete picture. This is the complete picture. And it's just as important to love this version of yourself too. I struggle with anxiety, and self-confidence. There are a lot of times where I feel far from good enough. But the truth is that I am. I don't need to hide my acne-prone sensitive skin, nor the dark circles under my eyes, nor the occasional frown. It's all a part of being human in this life. That is my real identity. A soul within a human suit. And that's truly the only reality that matters.

CAPSTONE ADDITION:
This photo is included because it is me at my most vulnerable, a stark contrast to the first photo of the album which is all filters. I have learned over the course of the semester to appreciate myself in a natural state and have love for myself even when I don't feel beautiful. I have learned to find the true beauty in the simplicity of not wearing makeup, being in pajamas, having acne, and not posing perfectly for the camera. Instead, I can appreciate that I'm just a person. I'm just a human. And that's beautiful. I have eyes to see beautiful things. Ears to hear beautiful sounds. The art we've gone over throughout the semester really made me fall in love with art itself again. Especially because the artists were anonymous, it helped me relate that the "person" doesn't matter. It's what you leave behind, what you give to the world, what your soul consists of. That's the real beauty. That's the real art. I enjoy just being able to look at and consume art. And I've learned that art is a mirror, and what you look at also looks into you. I feel beautiful because I view beautiful things. Simple things. A mural on the side of a building. The beauty of the earth, even. Self-love is a journey, but I've grown a lot during the semester on it.

Fotos Bilder: rachel-roberts

22 Sep 2021 10:21:11 -

Fun Filters, Part 1

roberts.1913 posted a photo:

Fun Filters, Part 1

This photo was taken at a friend's house watching the Ohio State away game (Go Bucks!) and includes one of my closest friends. It features the "Bald" filter by Brielle Garcia on Snapchat. This filter's main feature is to obviously make the user appear bald but it also does a bit of smoothing and evening to the skin. The rest of the face remains untouched/unaltered. I am wearing a full face of makeup here as well with false lashes
I wanted to include this photo, ridiculous as it is, because it shows that filters don't always have to be so serious and about "fixing your flaws" and everything else they can suck you into. Filters can also be fun, they can make you and others laugh, and be a good way to capture the moment as well. I look at this photo and I see the fun we all had that night, the laughs, and the good memories. Though a more serious selfie could capture those same things, it feels different and honestly personally preferable to see them this way. This was much more about capturing a moment and the energy associated with that moment than anything else. My student identity as an Ohio Stater and my social identity coincide beautifully here. Taking time away from studies to hang out with friends and watch the game is a great way to relax. Here, there is social pressure but when you're with the right group of people it kind of fades away. I could show up no-makeup in a t-shirt or like this and both are equally accepted. Though this a filter, it actually allows me to express my personality a lot and I feel like the true version of myself is shown more.

Fotos Bilder: rachel-roberts

22 Sep 2021 10:20:53 -

Filtered with Heavy Makeup, Part 2

roberts.1913 posted a photo:

Filtered with Heavy Makeup, Part 2

In this photo I am in my bedroom getting ready to go to a group dinner at a friend's house. I am using the "Naomi" filter by Naomi Campbell on Snapchat. This filter smooths and brightens the skin, and slightly enlarges the lips and eyes. It also adds an overall glow to the skin. Especially compared to the Instagram filters, these Snapchat filters leave the face looking much softer rather than sharply edited. It is an interesting contrast between the two. I again also have a full face of makeup on.
This photo is another example of makeup as an artistic outlet for me. Behind the scenes of this photo, I was struggling with a complicated roommate situation that gave me some of the worst anxiety I've had in a while, which naturally is part of my mental health and overall health identity. This day was true makeup therapy for me; I called my mom and talked with her as I sat at my vanity and dusted yellow eyeshadow on as it was the happiest color I could think of. I kept going, adding dramatic eyeliner, lashes, and overall skin makeup. While I was meeting friends for dinner at their house, I did not feel any social pressure to look my best. It was a casual hang out. I'm sure when I arrived there were people that I thought I was doing too much with the full face of makeup on a Tuesday evening eating pulled pork sandwiches. But this is what I needed. To feel better, to express myself, and to just have some alone time to process in a healthy way. Health-wise and socially, you never know what people are going through no matter how they look. And it's important to always treat people with the kindness they might be lacking towards themselves. Though this photo is filtered and I am wearing a full-face of makeup, this is actually me in a raw way as well.

Fotos Bilder: rachel-roberts

22 Sep 2021 10:20:30 -

Family

roberts.1913 posted a photo:

Family

This photo was taken of my cousin and I over Thanksgiving break in Virginia. We are riding two of her horses along her driveway next to her barn and fields.
Family to me is so important and one of the simplest pleasures. I rarely get to my extended family because they live all over the country and the world. I really appreciated this moment with her and just being able to share something we both enjoy (horseback riding) with each other. In fact, we were both taught to ride when we were younger yet this is the first time that we've ever been able to do it together. Moments like these are so precious and so valued to me. I look forward to the day that I can hopefully have my own horses, and spend time peacefully riding through the hills, as horses are also good forms of therapy. I chose to have this as my final image in the album because everything about this photo conveys the beauty of simplicity. The landscape, the horses, the fact that our faces aren't even in it, the two of us together and in sync, being in nature, the sunlight, all of it. And the essence of the photo is about family, about love, about peace, about the things that really matter. The simple things. And how beautiful it is when they all come together. Over the course of the semester, I have learned to appreciate the small moments in life and find the beauty in their simplicity.

Fotos Bilder: rachel-roberts

08 Dec 2021 16:37:53 -

Relationship

roberts.1913 posted a photo:

Relationship

This photo was taken of my boyfriend as he was filling his tire with air and I was sitting in the car waiting. While he was filling his tire, I had the window down and was calling to him and taking photos of him. He started laughing, and pretended to strike poses. This is one of the photos captured of the many I took.

In relationships, a lot of times some of the most wonderful moments come from doing the simplest things. He had to fill his tire, and I was just waiting in the car. But we turned it into a fun moment through taking photos and him making me laugh when he started striking little poses. I've learned that it's not always about going on very expensive or elaborate dates, or looking your best at all times, or that fun can't be achieved unless we're doing some various activity/date. When I close my eyes and think about my relationship, I see the moments like this. I see his eyes in the sunlight squinting from happiness, I hear his laughter, I feel his hand in my mine as we walk down the sidewalk in our sweatpants. These are the simple things. Everything else is a bonus, but just getting to know someone else's soul and have them know mine is enough. And that fact alone is enough to bring me more happiness than 10,000 nights at Cheesecake Factory ever could.

Fotos Bilder: rachel-roberts

08 Dec 2021 16:38:15 -

Nature (Mirror Lake)

roberts.1913 posted a photo:

Nature (Mirror Lake)

This photo was taken at Mirror Lake on OSU's campus on a Tuesday afternoon. It was relatively devoid of other people and was very peaceful.
This photo demonstrates my desire to be in nature, where I am the happiest. Even though Mirror Lake is a man-made lake and its "nature" aspect is really just in the middle of campus, I like that it is so surrounded with trees and flowers/bushes and with the water it is so tranquil. My desire to be in nature stems from a desire for peace and harmony and I feel that when I am connected with the environment I am also connected within myself. Part of my identity as a student definitely relates to needing a break from classes and buildings and the industrial parts of campus and retreat to a safe solitude among nature. I think that having structures like this within a college campus is definitely an attraction for potential college goers who might tour the campus and like the fact that there is a serene spot where they might also feel like they can retreat to or simply enjoy when they are stressed. For me, it was definitely a selling point within the school which shows that my (and others') desire to be in nature was utilized to create this space in the school and bring in even more revenue.

Fotos Bilder: rachel-roberts

27 Oct 2021 20:55:33 -

OSU Club Meeting

roberts.1913 posted a photo:

OSU Club Meeting

This photo was taken off the Instagram story of an Ohio State Club called "Never Walk Alone." I am seated in the second column from the left.
This club meeting demonstrates my desire to belong to a part of a community, and also my desire to feel understood. Never Walk Alone is a mental health organization that helps to connect people who are struggling with mental health issues and provide resources and stress-relief activities for them to go to. My mental health is part of my identity, and I oftentimes crave feeling understood by others because it can be very isolating. I think that abstract concepts like wanting to be understood are innate parts of the human experience and innate desires that we all share. However, I still chose to go to this club because of the posts that I saw about it on Instagram, and the comments from my friends who were in it before me who really enjoyed it. The Instagram posts were filled with positive affirmations, but also filled with student spotlights on students who shared their mental health struggles and why this club had helped them. I think that these testimonials in addition to my friends' good words about the club are ultimately what made me join. I believed what these people (some who I had never met) said, and that was enough to persuade me to try it too. Even though the desire was innate and already there, this club was specifically chosen because of the community that it contained. (And yes, they were right, the club is wonderful!)

Fotos Bilder: rachel-roberts

27 Oct 2021 20:44:51 -

Boyfriend!!

roberts.1913 posted a photo:

Boyfriend!!

This image was taken a couple of weeks ago on a Wednesday at a small lake in Columbus and features my boyfriend Nolan and I making funny faces. We are sitting on the shore of the lake having a picnic.
This photo demonstrates my desire for true, genuine connection and relationships. I think wanting a partner/companion in your life is a universal human desire and I am no different. I too want to have "someone", but the difference is that I am extremely selective with the "someone" that I choose. This is because what I ultimately desire is a relationship that is composed of pure, genuine love and care for the other person. We took many pictures this day but most of them are silly faces and not being too serious. We are able to be ourselves around each other completely and there is no fear of judgement in the relationship. This ultimately creates a safe and healthy space of being, and is a huge reason why we are so solid together. I wouldn't go as far to say as he "advertised" himself to me, but my desire to have a real, genuine connection with someone is also mixed with the specialness of what kind of person he just is. Though some people tend to "window-shop" for their significant other, we built our relationship on friendship and honesty and care which has fulfilled everything I've ever wished for in a relationship and person.

Fotos Bilder: rachel-roberts

27 Oct 2021 20:44:42 -

Alarm Clock

roberts.1913 posted a photo:

Alarm Clock

This image depicts my alarm clock in my room and was taken at a time of 4:30 am, as shown on the clock. The context of this photo is that I was up late at night because I couldn't sleep, and it captures my overall desire for more sleep in my life.
This relates to my identity because as a college student, I am usually up late doing homework or studying for exams. I also struggle with sleep issues and falling asleep, which couples my desire for more sleep with my desire to be able to fall asleep earlier in general. In addition, I chose this particular alarm clock because of its features and also its aesthetic. Because I tend to not get enough sleep (again, showing my desire for sleep) I also tend to have a hard time waking up in the morning. This alarm clock came with a device that you can put in your pillow that vibrates to wake you up if you are a deep sleeper like me who sometimes sleeps through their alarms. Aesthetically, it fits the overall grayscale color scheme of my room which is very minimalist with white furniture. Even though one of my desires is more sleep which is symbolized with this alarm clock, the specific alarm clock I chose was a result of advertisers manipulating my desire to lead me to buy the one that had extra features and went with my room.

Fotos Bilder: rachel-roberts

27 Oct 2021 20:44:52 -

Fast Food

roberts.1913 posted a photo:

Fast Food

This image was taken off my Instagram feed and depicts an ad for Raising Cane's. An important thing to note here is that this ad is "sponsored" and recommended to me based on my social media.
This image shows my desire not only for Cane's (which honestly, is huge in itself) but also for just fast food in general. As a college student who lives in an apartment, I don't have the money to go and buy fast food everyday and instead have to buy groceries to cook and save money. I also eat on campus regularly. However, I am constantly craving and tempted to eat fast food because it is tasty and seems like an extra treat especially because I can't always afford it. The desire to eat is a basic human survival need, but this ad that shows the chicken and Cane's logo make me desire that particular food even more when I could just go and make something out of the fridge. Instead, now I am tempted to spend money I don't have on Cane's which means my desire was very manipulated by the advertisers. Also, like I said this ad just popped up on my Instagram feed. It is evidence of the data collection servers and companies using personal data to target specific people (example: I am an Ohio State student and geographically there are Raising Cane's around OSU) in order to sell more of their product. While this can be incredibly useful for them to make money and for me to be aware of deals or food establishments in the area, at the same time it does feel a little strange that the ads just come seemingly out of nowhere.

Fotos Bilder: rachel-roberts

20 Oct 2021 10:31:20 -

Filtered with Simple Makeup, Part 2

roberts.1913 posted a photo:

Filtered with Simple Makeup, Part 2

This photo was taken in my bedroom before I went out to a birthday party for one of my friends from LatinX. I am again using the same "Naomi" filter by Naomi Campbell on Snapchat whose effects have already been previously mentioned twice. To reiterate, it brightens and smooths the skin, adds a glow, and very slightly enlarges the eyes and lips. I am again wearing a minimal amount of makeup devoid of false lashes or colorful eyeshadow.
This photo to me represents my cultural and even spiritual identity. I am Hispanic and grew up with a parent from another country (Mexico). I am not completely fluent-translate-human-dictionary in Spanish, but can easily have conversations with family and friends.The friend whose birthday I am about to attend is also Hispanic and in LatinX at OSU, and overall the context of this photo highlights that cultural part of my life. In addition, it is difficult to see but I am wearing a gold necklace that depicts the Virgin Guadalupe, a religious and cultural figure in Mexico. I have been on a spiritual journey over the past two years reconnecting with God, and wearing this necklace that I got in Mexico helps keep me connected with my family and my faith. Especially for me, religion is something I have a private relationship with and don't feel the need to share so this is one of the only outward examples I have of my faith. Like the previous photo, the makeup and the filters here result from trying to socially present my best self while simultaneously just wanting to feel good. My religious identity does remind me though that these are just superficial (but fun of course!) things and that the true beauty will always be inside in your soul. This is a big help for me when it comes to my anxiety and self-confidence issues mentioned.

Fotos Bilder: rachel-roberts

22 Sep 2021 10:20:22 -

Fun Filters, Part 2

roberts.1913 posted a photo:

Fun Filters, Part 2

This photo was taken on campus while it was raining across from Oxley's cafe and depicts the "Colored Eyes" filter by sophie on Instagram. This filter changes the color of the user's eyes to blue and has adjustable options to enhance the lips and face or to go more natural. (Yes, ironic haha). It also makes some changes to the overall tones and color saturations of the photo. I cannot say for certain what these are, only that my skin appears warmer in tone and the background cooler.
This photo is an example of my identity as a student while also showing how filters can be fun. When I go to class, I do not ever have a stitch of makeup on. This is mainly because no matter how I'm feeling confidence-wise that day, I will always choose getting more sleep over spending extra time on my appearance. Also as a student, I am on campus for quite a bit of time and this involves seeing and being seen by a large majority of people. Though in our heads we always feel much more looked at by than we actually are, it is definitely difficult on my self-esteem to walk around when I feel unconfident because I believe people are thinking in their heads negative thoughts about me as I walk past. These kinds of things are part of dealing with anxiety in general, but as a student I cannot skip out on classes or meals just because I didn't put on a full face of makeup and have a great outfit. It helps ground me in a way because it reminds me of my purpose on campus. Student life is inherently filled with stress in so many ways so sometimes it's nice to break through those boundaries and say screw it. For example, it is hard to see here because of the filter and camera angle but there were a lot of people walking by me as I was taking this. They probably thought it was a little strange to take this selfie as it's raining, but these are the moments where it's like who cares, it's not that deep. Also, utilizing a fun filter like this makes it less serious. I'm not trying to impress anyone or feel better about myself, I'm just having fun. Plain and simple.

Fotos Bilder: rachel-roberts

22 Sep 2021 10:20:22 -

Filtered with Heavy Makeup, Part 1

roberts.1913 posted a photo:

Filtered with Heavy Makeup, Part 1

This photo was taken in the passenger seat of a friend's car as we drove to a party. I am using the "summer" by natalie suto on Snapchat. This filter mostly smooths the skin with minimal editing, the rest of the look is through the makeup.
This photo showcases my artistic side; though not heavily filtered, I am still wearing a lot of makeup (as I like to do on occasion). I like to play around with the colors and express myself. Being able to do this helps with my mental health and health identity overall. It gives me an outlet where I can feel good while also just having fun. Again, in the photo I am on my way to a party. I do feel the pressure socially to retain an image and always look my best, and that is also part of the reason I did my makeup. Again, it's the social pressure that drives filters and even makeup sometimes. However, makeup for me is more a passion and an artistic medium with my face as the canvas and the eyeshadows, blushes, and lipsticks as the materials. The car as the location in this photo is significant also as a usual spot for me besides my room to take photos with my makeup done. I am always in a rush!

Fotos Bilder: rachel-roberts

22 Sep 2021 106 -

No Filter, Part 1

roberts.1913 posted a photo:

No Filter, Part 1

This photo was taken on a Saturday at a party before an Ohio State game and includes one of my friends. This photo features no filter and no editing! Just straight from the camera. I am still wearing quite a bit of makeup here, but this is a rare moment where I try to take a nice and post-able photo with no filter lens on it. And to be completely honest, this is one of my favorite photos of myself I've ever taken, which is saying a lot because I typically always use filters.
This photo shows a happy version of me. I am not smiling with teeth, but inside I have a huge smile. Socially, I am surrounded by my group of good friends, school-wise I am celebrating our team, and health-wise I feel good. The sun was shining. This is peak college life. The party I was at was large and had girls and guys dressed up for the game. The social pressure is huge at these types of gatherings, but this day I felt confident in myself. My social identity feels more secure lately, and again I think having a good group of friends who you can laugh and have fun with who like you for you are a huge boost. It's a reminder that not everything has to be done alone, and it's just another resource and another form of support. Waking up early to celebrate with friends before the game is the only time I will lose sleep in order to get ready, and this look that I did (simple as it may seem) took about an hour and a half. I am looking forward in the future to feeling confident to go with less makeup only so I can sleep in a bit more. Again, I love makeup for makeup's sake, don't get me wrong, but it does feel a bit freeing to be bare-faced which only improves my mental health identity.

Fotos Bilder: rachel-roberts

22 Sep 2021 10:20:45 -

Filtered with Simple Makeup, Part 1

roberts.1913 posted a photo:

Filtered with Simple Makeup, Part 1

This photo was taken in my boyfriend's car on our way to a dinner date. I am again using the "Naomi" filter by Naomi Campbell on Snapchat. Again, this filter smooths and brightens the skin, slightly enlarges the eyes and lips, and adds an overall glow. I am wearing makeup here but much more minimal than in the previous photos. I am not wearing false lashes or heavy, colorful eyeshadow.
This photo represents a large part of social life which is being in a relationship. I am lucky enough to be in a healthy relationship where I am loved and appreciated for who I am as a person rather than how I look. I do still experience the pressure when going out to look my best especially in a large college environment where everyone is around the same age. As much as I dress up and do my makeup and take and posts photos like this for myself, there is a part that varies in size (depending on how I'm doing mentally) still feels the pressure. Since being a student is also a large part of my identity, I cannot always afford (time-wise and financially-wise) to go out to dinner dates like this one. Therefore I do feel the need to go the extra mile to capture the moment. Using filters is for me a part of capturing the "best" image possible. However, already I am appearing closer to my most natural state.

Fotos Bilder: rachel-roberts

22 Sep 2021 10:21:06 -

Heavily Filtered, Part 1

roberts.1913 posted a photo:

Heavily Filtered, Part 1

This photo was taken on a Saturday evening in my apartment, and features the Instagram "Tiger Eyes"; filter, created by korrinarico. To the viewer, I appear put-together and confident, despite my messy hair and bathrobe. The filter smooths the skin, adds eyeliner, eyeshadow, lashes, and blush. It fills the lips, shrinks the nose, and changes the color of the eyes from my natural dark to a shiny, golden brown. What the viewer doesn't know is that I have zero makeup on underneath, I just woke up from a nap, and I am dealing with anxiety that hinders my confidence.
The way I see myself in these images is a distorted version of the me that I know. In the moment, it feels good to be able to "fix" the flaws that I dislike about myself in just one click. I can log on to social media, hold my face to the camera, press a button, and suddenly feel like I can show my face to the world and the world will like it back. However, when I am alone I look at these images and feel strange, because I ultimately don't like how they make me look. Regardless if it fits society's beauty standards, I don't like this filter. Not really. It's simply not me. And to not recognize yourself...well that's the most difficult thing. This image to me is the epitome of the battle of modern-day social identity: wanting to meet the standard, but trying not to lose yourself in the process. In this image, I find that a losing battle. The anxiety only worsens, not alleviates. Because at the end, filters like this only do more damage than they "fix."


CAPSTONE ADDITION:
This photo to me is truly a representation of where I started at the beginning of this semester. There is no "beauty in simplicity" here. There is a woman who is using filters, masks, and ultimately lies to define herself in the public eye. But also, in her own eyes. The surroundings reflect comfort (a living room, my own apartment, away from other people) but the selfie is anything but. I chose this image to begin this album because this photo is the epitome of me focusing on complicated things rather than simple to achieve happiness. The thought-process flows as editing my features to make myself feel better about myself, then posting it on social media, hope that people like it, and then worrying if they don't, followed by guilt for presenting a false image. It feels much less severe than it sounds, but that's the truth when you break it down. Now, I have learned to accept my flaws. I enjoy now taking selfies without the filters, because then I can find an appreciation for how I actually look, not how filters make me look. I now find beauty in the simple things. The way my eyes sparkle naturally in the sunlight. The way my acne-prone skin fades as I take care of it, and therefore is a reminder that I am taking care of myself. The way my smile is beautiful even with gap teeth because it is proof that I am happy or laughing or feeling something positive. These are the things that matter. Not social media likes or filters that cover up all of these wonderful things. Taking selfies can be great for working on self-love and improving mental health, especially when they are filter-less as I have learned over the semester.

Fotos Bilder: rachel-roberts

22 Sep 2021 10:20:32 -

Heavily Filtered, Part 2

roberts.1913 posted a photo:

Heavily Filtered, Part 2

This photo was taken in front of my apartment looking out at the street. It's a warm, sunny day and I appear candid and natural to the viewer. I am using the "cute noise" filter by sasha_soul_art on Instagram which blurs and evens the skin, erases dark circles, and heightens the vibrancy of the overall photo, especially the tree background. Though this filter does not obviously distort the facial features like the previous "Tiger Eyes" filter, my face still remains heavily edited. When I showed this photo to a friend, they thought the photo was filter-less.
As I've mentioned before, I struggle with anxiety that affects my self-confidence and my mental health which is part of my identity. Filters like this one that edit the eyes just enough, the skin just enough, the tone just enough, to be subtle and make it appear as though there was no editing at all are tempting for me and many others to use. It's the epitome of the phrase, "It takes a whole lot of makeup to look this natural." Also, a large part of social identity for my generation is found online and through social media. I am no exception to this rule. And the pressures of social media make filters like this so tempting. The pressure to showcase the best of the best, with an aura of an unspoken competition between even friends. I've seen girls in college not be friends with each other because the other's feed (aka their collection of posts) did not fit their standard. My social and even online identity has started to train my already-perfectionist brain to fix fix fix the flaws even more. Because the truth is, it's also for me. It's satisfying to watch everything I dislike about my face to disappear with the push of a button and be replaced by the effects mentioned. However, the trap then is this is simply not me at the end of the day. It only hinders my self-confidence, more so than the previous filter.

Fotos Bilder: rachel-roberts

22 Sep 2021 10:20:45 -


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